find it hard to believe?

so in this life we are given tests and trials. i have watched so many struggle ...just like us.  we live in a wicked, hard world.  Full of criticism and judgement. we often get all the lines blurred and lost keeping up with the Joneses.  been there done that. i prefer keeping up with the Thompson's these days.  in my previous chaotic life.i didn't listen ..i was to afraid.  if i listened it meant i couldn't do the things i wanted to.so my life was nothing but really sucky moments looped together.  not saying that occasionally it doenst suck now. its just less sucky  :)  so as you know i lost my house. the house that my ex and i built. huge beautiful..lots of room to grow into. i was keeping up with the joneses...competing and proving my worth through my belongings my processions. we divorced. my big house didnt sell . for years. 3 to be exact. i couldn't pay for the house. he refused. we lost it. it finally sold in a short sale this past valentines. my once 814 credit score is now  a negative mark .. so we rent. it takes both of our credit to buy and i have none. soooooo our rent went up on our current digs. alot. we had been looking. we knew we needed to move. our current landlord is a bit lack luster to say the least..2 weeks no oven...not good. so we shopped.  i was in fear of the move. expenses and moving with 3 kids. yuck. so i held MY ground and said we would stay.  on my way to sign the lease i got an email from a realtor that had houses for us to rent..i started to email her from my landlords parking lot..and tell her no thanks. then I changed my mind...walked in to renew the lease and was told of the HUGE jump in Price..and bawcked. only to be called 45 minutes later with this is how much the rent will be for the NEXT tenants and the owner of the house wants you out in 30 day. POOOOOOOP! that didn't go so well. no we were never late and never destructive to this house. ever.  so i called my friend. panicked she said STOP. u told me just yesterday you really needed to move..GOD did this. you were busy being you and wanting what you want and now he has made you listen. you see GOD has been moving mountains in my life yet i still have a hard time listening...so i listened to her. made no more calls and sat in my homelessness  panic. I HAVE 3 KIDS!!!!!!!
     on saturday i was working and talking and still obsessed with the now what. When God answered my now what.  my phone rang...on the other end was this voice...he said my wife and i want to help. are you still looking for a home??? heart pounding i say yes...my friend says..lets go get a house..i say huh? friend says. we want to get a house for you guys...to rent..so lets pick out a house.. yup, your reading this right...so we have spent the last couple of weeks house shopping..looking for what fits us...what fits them. unreal huh! we found a perfect home...they looked and i went for a 2nd look and they bought it.  they close on the19-20 of april...so my silly stubborn humanness needs to shut up..because REALLY does it take being thrown out of a home only to be thrown into a new home to see his works? it shouldn't but, it did.  I was blind but, now i see. there are people that God puts in your path...some to learn from some to teach and some to just love.if you think you are to broken or not worthy...remember..HE made you! he loves you...he doesnt care that you burnt dinner last night  or that you said things that were un kind (ok he does) he just forgives you! so cast it on him...let God carry your burdens and join the rest of us imperfect people!he heals the broken.. I'm grateful for all the things he constantly gives me and also for those things i don't have anymore...

being still and being silent..

so it has been awhile since i have put anything on here. trust me its not for lack of words...maybe a lack of time. no not really any of those things. my mind has been in turmoil...my anger and frustration had come to a boiling point in December.   my mind had been taken over with all the chaos that had consumed our life.  i had to take time and sit. heal. move on..move forward. regroup.  so much had been lost over the past few years but, so much had also been gained. it wasn't until my head was ready to pop from all the yuck that i heard God and listened. he has told me lots in my life i just didn't always listen.  it was after a visitation one Sunday that my daddy took me sternly by the shoulders and said "stop it".."stop hating him"  "it is poison to you and your babies and your marriage".  It was like a wall slamming into my face. my dad said he had been praying for me...for me to stop hating the "other" the things he had done were hate worthy but, the poison was seeping into me. not him. dumb girl.  so i let go. not all at once. and yes it creeps in some. but, it is not all consuming anymore.  i no longer bite back when he is caustic..i  keep my records. i state my point and i do not verbally fight back with him. i have typed lots lots and lots of emails than delete them before i send them..
    so your wondering what my point..why tell the world of my craziness. here goes. during this time of being silent..we have all been very sick. zekes been in the hospital..we have lost our lease on our home..noah has had hallucinations from the tamiflu, my mom became horribly ill,our washer died, our cat needs a new home, the other was a bigger pain than normal and i had to endure a counseling session with him.chris drives 2 hrs for work a day..
   ok so zeke is healthy and talking alot more, we have a new home guaranteed to be ours for the next 3 years that was a complete and total God thing..noah will heal,we got a new improved washer, my mom being sick brought my sister and i closer,and the other is giving up his rights for T to adopt the boys.
   I'm sure Noah wasn't completely silent while on the smelly ark. and i betcha Mary had some words for God in taking her son.and we all know about Job...i have not been forsaken. my silence has been heard and most definitely answered. sometimes its just what it is.. nothing more nothing less. but its all for the good . and it is all good.all God. all the time. so i may have to take a moment hear and there and just listen to the silence to hear my heart..to hear his words and become strong again. but, man this life is so do able..so good .

"Humble yourselves,therefore,under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

oh what a year.

three boys equal a whole lotta noise...laundry muddy shoes and hugs.  the boys have sure kept us busy lately.  Noah...our busy boy our entertainer. well, he recently woke up s a dragon..i go into his room each morning never knowing what to expect...and there he was in his crib wearing his halloween dragon costume headpiece...oh my. he rolled over and growled. man are we aver gonna be in trouble with that one!! Zekey poo...well he is showing his colors more everyday. he is loving having found feet. he runs  everywhere!! he puts his arms behind him as he runs and flaps them!! he also loves to bonk his daddy on the head and giggles wildly!!! Elijah...well, he is learning so much.  we have decided that he needs chores responsibility. So he is emptying the dishwasher..not doing to bad!  the other night while i was tucking him in he told me that he likes going to sleep because he dreams, and dreaming is like watching tv in his head. funny boy.
all the boys are growing so fast in their faith. Our church team is amazing. i love hearing how they know that its JESUS birthday.. Elijah has great memory for the BIBLE stories he is learning. it amazes me. he struggles so in school but, has such a heart for SAMSON and JOSEPH. it makes me so proud. i can see GOD flowing in there hearts.

T and I have been blessed. what has been a rough and stressful year is coming to an end.  our love is strong...our FAITH is mighty. we have vowed to GOD to be here for each other forever...and whats cool...is we are gonna do it. we have been slammed in the face many times this year and we keep moving. the stress at times unbearable. Gods mercy has held us though. We both have new jobs and are working harder than ever to provide stability love and fun  :) for our boys.
We have a busy year ahead, more surgeries for Zeke, elijahs tests results, and taming Noah.  im sure we will meet some struggles. with each other our faith and families we Will persevere. i hope your year is as blessed as ours has been. God bless you and keep you and may your house be built on the rock...

schmukiness

so recently a friend wrote about screwing up..being a schmuck. well, I'm pretty sure we have all been there . right?! right.  so whats the point of being a schmuck? ya gotta fix yourself. fix whatever ailment of schmuckiness it is that keeps drawing you back. we all make decisions that are not for the betterment of ourselves and others. make the most out of the decisions you made...bad marriage..evil little tongue that flaps away at others..or just overall bull headed stubbornness. cause the truth is we are all humans and we all are walking this earth learning to be the best person we can be. get over yourself, get on with your life. say I'm sorry ..hug it out, ask for forgiveness. AND REALLY MEAN IT. apologies go a very long way in this busy world we have wrapped ourselves up into. love the ones who love you, get over the ones who don't, and pray for all of the above!

pins and needles and a little thing called nuerofibromitosis

ok so we have all had stress ...some a little some alot... personally i think it sucks.. so immediately after my last post T called me and he had been laid off. REALLY!!! who does that right before the holiday...grr. But, we stayed stead fast in Gods word and he got a new job and a raise. AMEN. God id funny though... ha! his job is in pryor..funny man that God is. We will be a little more specific in our job prayers from now on.  :)
Elijah has gone through some issues this last month that have made us make some tough decisions.. E has sensory processing disorder and a slew of things that go with it. so he is my tender hearted one. he has a hard time separating from me and is developmentally lagging...alot. we have a great team in place to help him to be the best at life that he can be. socially some things are different for him. friends are tough to keep when your heart breaks easily. He does very well with younger children and is MIGHTY  protective of his PEOPLE. (ME)(T) and bubbies...

When Elijah was 1 month old we noticed some birth marks that are a sign of nurofibromitosis (SP). it causes learning delays, blindness , deafness, and tumors that grow on nerve endings. its awful.truly a horrible horrible thing.. we have always know of the genetic test we can do to find out for sure if he has it...but, my heart wasn't ready . not that its ready now...we just need answers. i need to help my baby, i need to plan for what may be in store. my God is awesome and he is holding my heart and making me breath .i pick up the paper work tomorrow and we will go test. it will take several weeks to find out the results.  it will be a long few weeks. if you will hold us in prayer..