Friday, March 16, 2012

being still and being silent..

so it has been awhile since i have put anything on here. trust me its not for lack of words...maybe a lack of time. no not really any of those things. my mind has been in anger and frustration had come to a boiling point in December.   my mind had been taken over with all the chaos that had consumed our life.  i had to take time and sit. heal. move on..move forward. regroup.  so much had been lost over the past few years but, so much had also been gained. it wasn't until my head was ready to pop from all the yuck that i heard God and listened. he has told me lots in my life i just didn't always listen.  it was after a visitation one Sunday that my daddy took me sternly by the shoulders and said "stop it".."stop hating him"  "it is poison to you and your babies and your marriage".  It was like a wall slamming into my face. my dad said he had been praying for me...for me to stop hating the "other" the things he had done were hate worthy but, the poison was seeping into me. not him. dumb girl.  so i let go. not all at once. and yes it creeps in some. but, it is not all consuming anymore.  i no longer bite back when he is caustic..i  keep my records. i state my point and i do not verbally fight back with him. i have typed lots lots and lots of emails than delete them before i send them..
    so your wondering what my point..why tell the world of my craziness. here goes. during this time of being silent..we have all been very sick. zekes been in the hospital..we have lost our lease on our home..noah has had hallucinations from the tamiflu, my mom became horribly ill,our washer died, our cat needs a new home, the other was a bigger pain than normal and i had to endure a counseling session with him.chris drives 2 hrs for work a day..
   ok so zeke is healthy and talking alot more, we have a new home guaranteed to be ours for the next 3 years that was a complete and total God thing..noah will heal,we got a new improved washer, my mom being sick brought my sister and i closer,and the other is giving up his rights for T to adopt the boys.
   I'm sure Noah wasn't completely silent while on the smelly ark. and i betcha Mary had some words for God in taking her son.and we all know about Job...i have not been forsaken. my silence has been heard and most definitely answered. sometimes its just what it is.. nothing more nothing less. but its all for the good . and it is all good.all God. all the time. so i may have to take a moment hear and there and just listen to the silence to hear my hear his words and become strong again. but, man this life is so do good .

"Humble yourselves,therefore,under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

1 comment:

  1. great post, i was just thinking about you. yes...we have to fogive and let things go or it really does poison us...yay for your dad!!

    i love it when people stop and give God all the glory He so richly deserves.

    where is your new house? when are you moving? can i do anything for you all or your parents?