Saturday, October 15, 2011

Faith, Insecurities and unfortunatly perfection.

life has an uncanny way of throwing curve balls at can rock you to the core at times. unfortunately for me and those around me I'm a perfectionist. this means i expect it of me and those i let be around me. i can be incredibly hard on myself for mistakes and when i put my trust in hurts so much when your humanness lets me down. i think in many ways its my insecurities in myself that makes me this way. i got myself into a few bad relationships and allowed them to hurt me and my brain. i listened to them and got to where i believed that i was nothing..nothing more than just some girl that was LUCKY to HAVE THEM..IN THAT WAS BORN MY SELF DISLIKE AND DOUBT IN MYSELF. i have spent many years repairing and rebuilding me. i have to. i have three boys that need to be man of God..good men kind men..loving man...and have the ability to love kindly unselfishly and know how to clean a kitchen and wash there own clothes its funny though how insecurities still flow like a river at work so hard to keep going and like a tide they roll in and roll in again..                                                                                                                                                                  
    this is where my FAITH comes in.i had gone through a horrible day and was lost in that days events. i had been so busy taking care of trying to make things ok that i FORGOT to pray!!! and at the end of the crazy horrible day i apologized to GOD ..I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO HIM INSTEAD OF LEANING OF MYSELF AND TRyING TO fix things..i should have given it all to him. something cool that i have learned is all to often we place our FAITH in humans. man that's a big flipping mistake. they will somehow some human way let you down. whether it be your boss, mom, dad, sister spouse, and yes even your pastor. they are all wearing the skin of man. its a scaly, rough and at times to thin or to my point is this. forget perfection forget  the insecurities that you have..ya right. but at least try.I'm going to put my faith back in its place. the humans around me back into their spot and PRAY A LITTLE MORE.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

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